Forgiving others is hard enough but when it comes to forgiving yourself, I have found it’s so much harder to do. I think by nature we are much harder on ourselves so when we do something we know is not right we beat ourselves up over it. I will never forget the day that I finally forgave myself for the choices I had made in the past.
You see, every time one of my children did something wrong I always blamed myself. It would go something like this…
If you hadn’t got divorced this wouldn’t be happening
If you hadn’t gotten pregnant out of wed lock this wouldn’t be happening
It’s all your fault the kids are the way they are
You got remarried and so that’s where you made your mistake
You let them get away with too much stuff when they were younger… and so on!
You get the drift, right? Looking back now I can see how the enemy had me in so much bondage.
But… God is so faithful and merciful to us.
I was having one of my fits when I was reading the bible and it just so happened that I was reading John 8 where the woman was caught in the act of adultery and they brought her before Jesus. It was like I was there watching the whole scene unfold. Here is this woman busted in the act of adultery and is dragged through the streets to be stoned to death. I’m sure they didn’t let her stop to put on her clothes, they wanted to humiliate her, to have her stoned and ultimately trap Jesus so they could have him arrested.
You see back in Leviticus Moses was given the Torah, which is the law of God and it states,
And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. Leviticus 20:10
Now here is this man named Jesus who is doing all these miracles and teaching grace, mercy, love and forgiveness which the Torah (law) was teaching punishment and judgement.
To continue on with the story in John 8…
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Not ONE of those people could throw that stone because they ALL had sin and the one without sin that had the right to throw the stone didn’t! Instead, Jesus looked at her, with love, mercy and grace in his eyes and forgave her and simply told her to leave her life of sin and go and sin no more.
That’s it!!! Go and sin no more.
It hit me like a ton of bricks! All the sins I had committed, all the bad choices I had made, all the consequences I was living with were gone in an instant. I had been forgiven all this time and all Jesus was asking me to do is to sin no more, which I was already not walking in that sin anymore. I had been set free but in my mind I was still in prison.
When you finally have that revelation there comes a liberation and freedom that you just can’t explain.
Now when my children make a mistake I no longer beat myself up. I have raised my children to know what is right from wrong. Not in just telling them but being an example to them. The choices they make are their own and they have the power to choose what is right. I don’t have to take any more beatings from myself. YAY! 🙂
Today I pray that if you are beating yourself up over things you did in your past and you have asked God to forgive you that you are able to let it go! Be forgiven and sin no more. Accept your freedom and don’t look back.
Be Blessed,
Audrey
Learning to forgive oneself is not easy, but it has been a focus of mine lately. I have found tremendous relief in life once I started catching myself and forgiving myself. It made it so much easier to forgive others as well. In the end it has really helped me with my anger issues.
James, you are so right. I think one of the hardest things to do is forgive ourselves. I was finally able to forgive myself when the Holy Spirit revealed to me the grace and mercy Jesus bestowed on the woman who was caught “in the act” of adultery. He could have convicted her, they caught her red handed but instead he chose to forgive her and tell her to go and sin no more. If he can do that for her then I know he does that for me. I thank him all the time for his love, mercy and grace.
Be Blessed,
Audrey